What do I bring to the table?
Within my Professional Learning Network (PLN) at work, I feel I have the most to learn and grow cognitively. Since I don't have as much experience as the others in my PLN with teaching, I definitely spend the most time asking questions on how to do things and listening to what has or hasn't worked.
The PLN that I mostly work with is the one at my school, where it's three other teachers apart from myself that teach Civics and Economics. Our PLN was new starting last school year, and in my opinion, we grew close to one another because of the shared struggles of teaching a new class and for some of us, for the first time in the building. Looking at this infographic on where I think I fit within my PLN, I can confidently say we're all on Stage 7: Confidant. We've spent time outside of school together, we each lunch together on occasion, and we lean on each other for support both professionally and personally. The tough times we experienced together last year brought us together.
I took three personality tests this week to determine the traits I bring to my PLN. I like taking the 16 Personalities test so I absolutely had to take that one. I won't get into too much detail about this test, but I was kind of bummed my personality changed this time around. I was always told I was an ISFJ or the Defender, but this time I was told I was an INFJ or the advocate. I don't always love change -- something you'll see in my FiveThirtyEight results.
The FiveThirtyEight results I think were the most accurate about the traits I bring to my PLN. As you can see in my scores, I scored the least in extraversion and openness to experience and the most in negative emotionality. The scores overall though were what I expected, especially digging in a little deeper to what each meant.
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| Personal Image: FiveThirtyEight Personality Test Results |
Reflecting on how meetings with my PLN go, I am definitely the worrier. I'm always asking questions about what to do next, the next step, or what to do in case things go wrong. It's usually always me, which I thought was from a lack of experience, but surprise! It's actually because I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) in the fall. I'm worried all of the time, but can't tell you why. I don't think I bring tension into my relationships, but I do think there is a tendency to be on the edge and waiting for something to go wrong, even though it never happens. That's why I'm always prepared and ready. On my results, I scored 100% in the subcategory of organization. I do pay attention to the little details and the next step. I'm usually the one ready with the rubrics, or the agendas that I've already emailed to everyone a few days before we meet or even need it. Even though anxiety is awful, if I lean into the signs my mind and body are giving me, I can power through it and turn it into something good.
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| Personal Image: Mind Tools Leadership Skills Results |
The second personality test I took was the Mind Tools Leadership Skills test. As you can see from the image of my results above, it tells me that I'm "well on my way to becoming a good leader." It could definitely be the imposter syndrome or the anxiety speaking, maybe both, but sometimes it's pretty hard to see that I'm "well on my way" in being a great leader. I don't enjoy taking control often, but even if I was, I would have a tough time being confident in my decisions. This personality test even told me this. I scored 3/10 in the 'Self-Confidence' category. Though I definitely understand how I scored high in the categories of 'Emotional Intelligence,' 'Providing a Compelling Vision of the Future,' and 'Motivating People to Deliver the Vision.' At 24, I think I'm still on the path of trying to find my voice in a PLN where others have more years of experience of teaching or general experiences that it can be hard to trust myself or have confidence in what I'm doing, so I don't know how much I would agree with this classification.
I talked about the struggles with my psyche and self-esteem from being on social media for so long in last week's Side Chat. Reflecting on what I wrote above, you can clearly see the signs of a distorted view of oneself. Moving forward, I think one of my tasks will be to challenge my own identity not just as a leader, or an educator, but as someone who navigates the world online.
Wow Brenda! Good for you, many of my family members struggle with anxiety, and one thing I have realized is that it is not east to cope with. However, that is amazing that you are able to take this struggle and use it as a positive reflection for yourself and others! This is a great way to start building that self-esteem that you so very well deserve.
ReplyDeleteHi Anna! Thanks for that! It's definitely not something easy to deal with, but for me what's worked is finding that silver lining, as hard as it can be to do so. It takes time and I'm still in the process, so I'll get better at this!
DeleteGreetings Brenda – I love your blog name, I did not come up with something that creative! I really appreciate you opening up about your generalized anxiety disorder, it’s very brave. I also have a very anxious brain and it drives me crazy when people tell me, “just relax, it’s not big deal, what are you so worried about!” If it was that easy to turn the anxiety on and off, trust me, we would! On the flip side, it’s helped me meet deadlines for grad school, and lesson planning because waiting for the last minute just doesn’t work for my brain.
ReplyDeleteUnlike you, I scored high on the extroversion scale. I was really impressed with Susan Cain’s book “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking” – if you have a chance and enjoy reading non-fiction, I would highly highly recommend it. It’s well written and has great research on a number of factors including personality.
Thank you! My nickname at work is BLo and I loved the alliteration that came with this title. Ugh, anxiety is such a bully in that way -- it never allows you to turn it off, but like you said, we can use it to our advantage. I'll definitely look into that book, thank you for the recommendation! I've been looking for more books to add to my shelf.
DeleteBeing organized is a good thing! Thanks for sharing the results of your tests. Don't read too deeply into them- YOU decide who you are. I am a firm believer that we are all growing continuously and reflection helps move us forward.
ReplyDeleteI know this is Brenda's post, but I appreciate this comment! I was pretty thrown off by some of my test results so it's a good reminder to not take them too seriously! (If you couldn't guess, I scored high in the negative emotions).
DeleteBrenda,
ReplyDeleteI loved your post, thank you for being open and sharing your experiences. I empathize with you on what you mentioned about imposter syndrome. I find myself second guessing certain decisions or even being too afraid to take risks. Just like you, I don't like change, I feel very comfortable in my comfort zone but I also realize that if we want to grow in our profession we should begin by taking small steps. Sometimes I even think to myself "well what's the worst thing that could happen?", this way my expectations won't be too high nor do I disappoint myself with poor results. At the same time, I've learned so much from my mistakes and reflect on how to improve for the future.
Hi Vanessa! That's a great way of framing this, because honestly what IS the worst thing that could happen? I have to start reminding myself of that. My student teaching supervisor always said, "the sun will still rise tomorrow, everything will be okay." We really have to start being more kind to ourselves and acknowledge its perfectly fine to try something new and learn from it when it doesn't go well.
DeleteI relate to you about feeling like you always have a lot of questions to ask! This year, I am teaching the same class I taught last week, so I don't have as many questions. However, last year I was asking for curriculum clarification almost every week! I remember last year you were so crazy busy developing curriculum! I'm so glad you have a supporting team. Feeling supported is incredibly important to me, and there is a lot of support at Morton. I also took the personality tests this week, and I was actually happy with my 16 Personality score but I was shocked about my results with the FiveThirtyEight test. I guess we had opposite experiences with the personality tests this week! The test were enlightening nonetheless.
ReplyDeleteHi Maddy! Oh gosh, yeah! I remember still in the process of just developing the curriculum. All of it was super overwhelming so yep, a ton of questions were asked and a lot of clarification was needed. I'm so glad you feel supported here too. I don't know where we'd be without it.
DeleteHi Brenda, I love how humble and honest you are. I too, second year of teaching, feel like a baby and just want to listen to older more seasoned educators. They probably enjoy being around receptive people who don't feel the need to change everything that has been going well from them. After being around you at, UIC I never knew you had a GAD. But glad you shared that and it shows how brave you to share that. Awesome you are organized and ready to deal with the situation, I wish I had more of that in my life. Wishing you an amazing day, today!
ReplyDeleteHi Taylor! I think we like to be sponges, soaking everything around us, especially from those who are older and are more experienced. I love asking them questions to, picking their brain apart to learn how to do things. It's interesting you mentioned who I was while still at UIC, I definitely felt anxious then, but it wasn't until about mid-2020 that I started noticing something was off. Thanks for the throwback to those days!
DeleteBrenda, I also took the personality test except that I hadn't taken any personality tests before so it was very interesting to see how my results would turn out. I was incredibly surprised to see that my results were accurate. Comparing our results for the FiveThirtyEight test, we both scored the exact same for conscientiousness, 79 out of 100. I like this makes us Type A teachers, which makes sense. I did not know you had GAD, thank you for sharing that with us on your blog.
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